haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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