Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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