She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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