Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
