You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
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we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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