haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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