About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
