The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
