I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
