I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bring me that man meat
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
