I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize