I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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