god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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