My pussy is not your playground.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
