I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
