The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I pour the whiskey from now on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
