Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
