wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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