so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
