She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
