its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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