Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
