I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
