i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Is it penis luge time yet?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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