All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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