Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize