he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
