Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
