peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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