are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
