I want to have your abortion
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
