this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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