Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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