Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
