i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
