he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
