I think im going to throw up on grandma
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
