Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
