just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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