just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
