Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
