I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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