You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
