You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
