I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
