woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
