did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
