Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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