sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
