We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
