Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
