Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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