i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
