I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My penis needs a shock collar
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
