Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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