Whod you bang
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
