I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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