she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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