Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
