I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
