420 ftw
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
