Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
